Redemption

Sunday, my Pastor called me out. I won't go into much but what he told me was well needed. I had been feeling down about a situation and his words from God helped me out a lot.

Shay's inspiration and motivation have motivated me as well. Let's get it!

Satisfied

So, I just finished revising chapter 13 of Ava's Story (which is chapter 14 in the original version) and I am content with it. It's not the best but I don't expect to be on Oprah's best seller list my first go-round. I keep putting it off but I realize that God has not given me the spirit of fear, I have to put my work out there because it is my gift. I have to try. So, I'm satisfied right now with how Ava's Story is going. =]

Deadlines

Last night at midnight, my alarm on my phone went off. I wasn't sure why but when I picked the phone up, my heart dropped. "AVA'S STORY SHOULD BE FINISHED" flashed across my screen. I closed my eyes and realized that it had been five or six weeks since I set the alarm. I sighed once I admitted to myself that I hadn't worked on Ava's Story since I set the alarm.

It was supposed to be done today. I was supposed to be happy, thanking God that I had finally finished it, but it wasn't finished. It was still in the same place it had been and I wanted to cry because of it.

I have become way too lazy. So what that I have 18 hours at school and at least 34 hours a week at work. So what that even when I get off I have to clean up or do something. So what that I barely get enough sleep. Ava's Story should be done.

My focus has completely swifted from writer to CEO and I am not feeling it right now. I have to stop worrying about the inactivity of everyone (including myself) and focus on why I started Dynamic Image in the first place. If I don't finish Ava's Story, there will be no Dynamic Image.

I just hate to give up like others. I refuse to let my personal obstacles come in the way of my dream. I have to finish.

I shouldn't have left you...

Not sure if anyone actually reads this blog-lol but I cannot expect my writers to blog when I am not doing so. It's been an awful minute, but hopefully with classes starting and these hour breaks I have between classes - I can get back into the grove of things.

Most of me lately has been trying to focus on getting myself good with God. I've missed a lot of church because of work and I'm not liking it at all. Family situations have me in a fit of writing so hopefully some wonderful stories will come out of this mess. I've come to realize that as crazy as my tangents are, I must be destined to be a writer. I even had a revelation of my style of writing. I want to comfort those who think their problems are miniscule to others, I want to be the shoulder for those who feel like no one will understand their situations and even if they do, they won't accept them. I want to be motivation to those who realize that emotional abuse is almost just as bad as the physical. We are victims of the horrible crimes that are lacing our television screens everyday (not taking anything away from those victims) but everyone that is struggling is not struggling in that aspect. We need to be mindful of everyone's story, not just those that are on display for the world, but those spiritual battles, the classic man vs. self. I want to help them because I personally know how it feels to be in an emotional battle with no understanding around you whatsoever. To those who are going through this, I know how you feel. God has taken me through these emotional situations to be of some comfort to you. If you can't open up to anyone, I hope that my stories open up to you.

Tears

I hate that they fall so much
My swollen, red eyes leak my emotions in a way that I can't control
I try and try to coax myself into keeping them in, but to no avail; they fall even more
No one around understands them, I even don't at times
I'm not like them – I'm told to be hard and get over it, it's not that bad they say
So why must I be the one to shed them so
Free falling from my eyes as I beg them to stop
They show weakness that is often criticized
Shouldn't I be able to cry without feeling guilty?
Aren't they meant to cleanse my mind as some often say?
I began to differ, these wet signs of emotion only confuse me more
I want to know why-
Why they fall so easily and why they won't stop
Why I can't control them and why it matters so much to others that I can't
The more I resist, the more they come
So I'll just let them fall…as they wish

Being the Boss...

I now realize just how much work is involved with being the boss. Trying to get everything updated and motivate my team is stressful, and I'm only dealing with a few websites. Dynamic Image means so much to me but at the same time, I often feel that I'm running on a treadmill, getting no where. I try not to voice this frustration too much, not wanting my weakness to show, but I often feel like I'm in this alone. Call it what you want, but it will make me stronger in the end.

I can deal with having to revamp everything by myself, but what I can deal with is the neglect that my creative writing side has been feeling. It's been well over a week since I've edited anything in Ava's Story and I can't do that again. Focus, Cashelle focus!!!!!!!!

The sun, moon and stars

Sunday night there was a thunderstorm here. It rained for quite a while and due to some issues the house builders had, mentally, our basement flooded. Now our basement isn't just a big storage, its actually the living room, laundry room and my mom's room. While we were trying to salvage things, my mom ran across some very old things from when I was seven, in second grade. She began to get emotional about the water damage to them but I told her that I could save them. I began to take things apart and spread them over the computer room floor so that they could dry separately. I noticed one lone piece of paper and I immediately knew what it was. My very first poem.

It was intitled, The sun, moon and stars: For my mom! I reference this poem a lot when people ask me when did I start writing but I could never actually recall the exact words. Finding this poem just opened up so much motivation and inspiration in me that its ridiculous. I've been doing this since I was seven!!! If that's not a passion I don't know what is. The poem is so deep that I have no idea what I was actually trying to say. All I know is, that started the development of this creative talent that God has so graciously blessed me with.

Out of a tragedy (the basement flooding) I gained inspiration...

Time to Act Right

I notice that I think a lot about my stories, but not about my life in general. There are a lot of things that I realize I complain about, but never actually do anything. I'm tired of being the one that just talks. I know that one of the reasons I don't act on things is the fear of failure/rejection. Dynamic Image especially. There are so many things I want to do regarding my stories and sometimes I feel like I'm alone. I started this dream of a publishing company and now I feel pressure. It's not only my stories and my hard work but the hard work of five other individuals that really mean a lot to me. I see the same aspirations and struggles in each of us and I want so much to change that for us. I know that God gave me this unshakably passion for a reason and that I should have faith in His plan for me, but I can't help but to wonder, what happens if...?

I know that I worry too much. I know that I need to just let God work in my life. It's just so much easier to worry, as backwards as that may seem. Sometimes I feel that my efforts with Dynamic Image or whatever I do, go un-noticed. But then I have to remember that my reward is not something earthly.

Getting off of my tangent, I've decided that the only thing I should fear is God, out of respect. Failure does not exist for me because with God all things are possible. We say that a lot but how many of us actually mean it? There are so many things that He is doing for me personally right now that I have no choice but to believe it.

In any case, it's time to get the ball rolling. Dynamic Image will be two years old in a couple of months and I want to have something to show for it. I just have to pray that those involved are all as passionate as I am. If not, I pray that God handles it...

To, In and Through

Sunday was a good day for me. I had really been down about little things and upset that I hadn't been able to go to church for the last two Sundays because of work. My pastor preached about the three dimensions of Jesus revealed and it really made so much sense to me. When Jesus is revealed to us, is when we decide to give our lives to Christ and get saved. It feels so good to make that step but thats not where we should stop. We have to take in His word and His teachings so that He can be revealed in us. This is the step that I need to work on. I kept wondering why I was feeling like I was in a dead place and it was because I actually was. I was content with Him just being revealed to me, thats not good enough.
I want people to be able to see him through me (which was the third dimension) so that He can use me how he pleases. To do that, I need to get on my P's and Q's.

I'm Focused Man!!!!

Today, I finished two of my online stories and its a huge relief. I noticed that I had been trying to write too many stories at once. I need Ava's Story and the other pieces I am serious with to be top priorities so that the finished product will be what I want. So now that those are out of the way, I'M FOCUSED MAN!!! With Dynamic Image's site almost complete, I feel like we are in a good place. A lot of my writers are discouraged with the reviews, or lack there of, on some of the online sites we are members of. Once our forum gets up and running, I pray that we won't have that problem anymore.

I'm on spring break right now from school so I have a little more time to focus on my writing. Although this creative writing assignment is racking my brain at the moment, I'm sure I'll think of something great for it. I just ask that true prayers continue to pray for me and the health of my creative mind. In the words of Albert Einstein, "Imagination is more important that knowledge."

Message From Your Heart

While listening to Kina Grannis' song 'Message From Your Heart' I realized that this song is really true. A lot of times I ignore my heart to the point where when my feelings do come out, the come out in a crash of yelling and tears. We should be mindful of others' feeling yet we must own our own feelings. My problem is, I worry too much about what others are accusing me of, especially if they are doing the same thing. Ex. I have a serious attitute problem. I can be very sarcastic at times and it annoys a lot of people in my family, who have the same attribute. Instead of me worrying about why they are pointing out my flaws and not their own, I need to work on mine and leave them to theirs. I cannot change anyone but Christian and that is the only person that I wish to change. Her and God have some things to deal with that no one else needs to be aware of. We will work out our issues without anyone else's criticism or judgements. Hopefully, my determination (yet struggle) to change will liberate others.

My Prayer

I have realized that time is not slowing down for any of us. I have taken God for granted for too long and its time for me to live as He wants me too. Not only do I want to inspire people through my writing, but I wish to draw them closer to God as well and I know that most of my current projects are not going to accomplish that dream.

Ever since my car accident on Thanksgiving night, I've realized that all this could be over in a split second and I'm afraid that I haven't done what I have been designed to do. I fear that I won't get that 'well done'. So this is my prayer.

I pray that God guides my heart to him, that I become in line with his plan for my life. He has given me a creative talent and I pray that I learn to use it to glorify him and only him. I pray that when this life is all said and done, that I have changed even one person's life in the smallest way. We all have to start somewhere.

A new Month

Today, I've decided that my focus has been neglected for too long. I noticed that I care entirely too much about things no one else seems to even think twice about. I can never be a person that does not care about the people or things around me, but I am trying not to care as much. From now on, I'm going to strive to make God, school and my writing my first priorities.

Testing the Waters

I figured this would be a good idea for the world to get to know the writers of Dynamic Image. Blogging may be a little overrated, but it does give you a sense of relief. In order to feel our writing, you have to feel us personally. Otherwise you'll be reading without a point. So we'll see where this goes and hope for the best. Happy reading!